Below are the 20 most recent journal entries recorded in Brittney's LiveJournal:

[ << Previous 20 ]

Wednesday, March 3rd, 2004
8:04 pm	my back has been hurting since two days ago :( i was supposed to see ben today but when i called he didn't answer. then he called me back 45 mintues later and told me he was very tired and was going to continue sleeping. i'm mad at him for not coming over since i didn't see him yesterday and won't see him til friday night when we work together. then i'm mad at myself for being mad at him because i know he's been working A LOT and really does need sleep but dammit! i wanted to see him :( (dust?)
Tuesday, March 2nd, 2004
9:19 pm	working the polls should be used as a torture tactic against prisoners of war. those 14.5 hours were some of the longest in my life. it's like a party for old people though because the only people that work there are old and old people are pretty much the only people that vote. (dust?)
Friday, February 27th, 2004
5:00 pm	well today has been good though it is rapidly turning boring. i had traffic court this morning. it was judge bowlin(sp?) who is probably the most compassionate judge in history. i got a $25 fine for my ticket and $47 in court costs. my license is suspended until may 29 but i do have driving privileges directly to/from work and school. my license is now in the bmv's possession and it will be 30 dollars to get it back when my suspension is over. i also have to take, i think it is called diversion classes, to relearn how to drive? i came home after that and took a nap til 2:30 when ben woke me up to tell me he was going to take a nap and then come over. lol so then i couldn't sleep anymore. i went to check the mail and i received a letter from the office of financial aid of wright state university. i got the raider scholarship!!! yay. so i get $1,000 for every year of my four years of college. it breaks down into $333 for fall, winter and spring quarters. so i have my books taken care of for college. i just feel so good about myself right now. i have actually done well enough in school to convince some people i am worthy of $4,000! the stipulations are that i have to be a full time student and maintain a 3.0. but i want to get at least a 3.8 average. yeah, i'm gonna be working pretty hard but they have higher scholarships for returning students who have that grade point average and participate in college groups and the community. so i'm going to participate in those too. i wish ben would wake up now. i'm getting bored. (dust?)
Monday, February 23rd, 2004
10:59 pm	so after i got upset enough to where i was crying(not very hard) i decided that i was finally going to tell my dad how i felt. i was already upset over not seeing ben and when i'm upset about one thing it doesn't take long for my mind to drift to my dad. i went down in the basement where he was and as soon as i got to the bottom of the steps i saw he had his back turned and then i chickened out because it was just more awkward with him not facing me and up on a ladder. i turned to go get a movie from the box but not fast enough because he turned and saw me. while i was bent over in the closet getting a movie he must have followed me because as soon as i stood up he was just standing there staring at me and the first thing out of his mouth was yelling at me for slamming the closet door. i only slammed it because the asshole was just standing there glaring at me. i was already in tears before i even went down so it was obvious i was upset and he just yells at me. i told him to stop yelling at me because he is not my father and he yelled something back and then i yelled back and he yelled at me to just go away. great. i went down to try to tell him how i feel and not yell and the first thing he did was yell at me. just goes to show eh? i was going to tell him how shitty it's been for me since we found out and how it changed everything. how they have been advertising on the announcements about the father-daughter dance and i've waited four years to go but now if i hear about it i just try to numb it out while i cry inside. stupid as it is, that dance meant a lot to me. about how mom says he is trying so hard yet the only time he has spoken to me since is to yell at me. if he's trying so god damn hard then how did he fail to recognize or acknowledge my straight A report card, valentine's day, my first place award, and my acceptance in to college. i miss my old daddy. you know the one that would bitch at me for not unloading the dishwasher, or would grab my wrists and twist them when i was in trouble, or that told me my apologies meant nothing when i was seven. oh yeah, he's quality. imagine me as a twelve year old crying because my dad went to a hooters restaurant and then try to imagine how i am taking him fucking another woman. he's made me nothing but a bitter and horrible person. ben deserves so much better. all i do when he is around is either cry or get mad at him over stupid things. i've had a couple of bad dreams or deep thoughts lately that he is going to leave me. i only hope that when he does realize that he deserves so much more that he dumps me before he finds someone new. i got so mad at him for not coming over today. and yesterday because he wouldn't show me that much affection at work meetings. you see how stupid i am treating him like that. he's just so perfect. now i can understand why he was hesitant to get in to a relationship with me. ben, i'm sorry. (3 stars | dust?)
Thursday, February 12th, 2004
2:13 pm	last saturday i went with ben and others to a volleyball tourney in indiana for the whole day. it was kinda fun. so tired though since i only got 2 hours of sleep. poor ben got 45 minutes if that. we were understandably tired all day but ben more so since he was the one actually playing. at work on tuesday i saw one of the players and his girlfriend who was also there. we kinda gave each other 'i know you but where from' looks before it clicked. my mom won four tickets to see '50 first dates' at a pre-viewing tonite. she doesn't feel good and richie isn't going to go so i have all four tickets. ben and i will go but hopefully if lisa gets my message her and chris will come too. today has been kind of exciting. our marketing class had the DECA competition today at sinclair university. eric, michael and i were in the 'retail merchandising' group along with 7 other people. i was competing against 9 other people then. i was, no joke, the only one in our class to not be nervous at all. this was thanks in large part to the fact that i didn't give a crap about some marketing competition thing. i guess that paid off though. you get ten minutes to look over the role-play situation before you go in to the judge to compete. as soon as i got the sheet i was happy. my case-study would be over developing an inventory loss solution to the 10% increase in external and internal shoplifting a.k.a. CAKE. I divided my presentation into two obvious categories. solutions to cut down internal thieving and solutions to cut down external thieving. i was apparently one of the only ones to know that external is customers shoplifting and internal was employees shoplifting. any who during the awards ceremony our event was the second or third to be announced. after hearing the names for fifth, fourth and third i decided i'd gotten sixth. after second, i was just like damn, but i did good! then they called first and it was me so yippee skipper. i went against my own rule of getting good enough to get a medal but bad enough to not have to go to state, which would be fourth place. so now on march 12 i have to get on a bus with the others going to state and spend the night in a hotel in columbus and the next day is the state competition. i don't know how well i'll do there though because i'll be competing against about 48 others where the top eight go on to nationals in nashville, tennessee. i got really lucky with my case-study though so that helped in my doing so well. we'll see about state. nashville could be fun so i'd like to win state to get there. i went to the bank and showed my mom the trophy and as i was almost home i got a call from the elections board. i signed up my name to be a worker at the polls and they actaully wanted me. there is some class next wednesday for training. she wasn't specific about it so i'll have to call back about that. i have to be at the bellbrook presbyterian church on election day at 6 a.m. though until about 7:30 p.m. but hey, voting is cool and i'm getting paid. i'm excited. that's about all. i'll go take a nappage. (dust?)
Saturday, January 24th, 2004
2:45 pm	getting so sick of people saying i should forgive him. (2 stars | dust?)
Friday, January 23rd, 2004
12:25 am	today wasn't so bad. classes as usual. the only thing that sucks is that i have no energy because i get zilch sleep and food. i had work today but all my work friends kept asking me what was wrong. i think i just go through the motions and that's why people ask what's wrong. arg i don't know. but i started crying when seth was asking me. ashley said i could go home whenever i wanted and after two hours i decided i was too tired to work. i went to ben's and slept 7 til 10:30 like a baby. it was beautiful. asshole's back home. must make his life hell. (dust?)
Wednesday, January 21st, 2004
8:14 pm	everyone kept asking me what was wrong with me today since i just look miserable. it took until the beginning of 3rd period for me to break down. ryan baker asked how i was doing and i said fine. then we started class and we started to go to work on our signs for the OPHA at the end of this month. i went out in the hall where baker, aj, and watson would be working on the welcoming signs since i figured that was the easiest and i had to do something. as soon as i got out there baker looked straight at me and asked me what was wrong. i just broke down crying and said my dad had an affair. aj was in the hall too but he went inside real quick and got mrs. bottoms to come out. baker and her just sat on the floor with me all but ten minutes of the period rubbing my back and talking me through it. mrs. bottoms says i did the right thing by calling the cops 1. because if you feel threatened you should, which i did and 2. because mom was trying to take pills. they both just made me feel better and they told me i shouldn't have bottled up my emotions all day. that what i'm feeling is normal. i felt a lot better after i opened up to them. but my face was all red and you could tell from my eyes i was crying. so more people asked me what was wrong but ones i felt comfortable telling without breaking down. like lees and tharu. i hate the fact that that whore's name was lisa because that's also the name of one of my best friends. i think i'm more full of anger today than emotions like yesterday. i ate a cookie at lunch and tonight the hunger pains got so fierce that i managed to eat a double fish sandwich at steak and shake. i also laughed as i reminisced about the time lees spilled a glass of water on me :) i am just so much happier with ben around. i told my mom today that when i turn eighteen this july i'll change my last name from franks to sackett which is my mother's maiden name. she said to just get married instead hehe. she's thinking more ration. it's now 'if we even stay together....' and she said we have to change the phone number because dick gave it to whore and mom doesn't want to be bothered by her. she's only changing it if they stay together because if they don't we'll have to sell the house and we'd get a new number then anyway. this just further reminded me of the fact that i don't think adam is a good friend at all. i told him happy birthday yesterday and he asked how i was 'shitty' and i asked him and he said 'great.' he asked what's wrong and i told him about dad having an affair and his reaction was something like this 'ohhhhh that sucks, hasn't something like this happened before?' i said yeah and he says 'hey sorry to cut it short but i have to go do homework with friends.' as if i didn't talk to him for hours about his girl problems when I was even dating him. he's so selfish. (1 star | dust?)
Tuesday, January 20th, 2004
8:14 pm	so much for the father-daughter dance... ...and my high school graduation...and walking me down the aisle...and my college graduation...and seeing my babies...and the rest of my life because my father threw all of that down the drain. he also threw his wife, son, two dogs and perfect fucking house down there too as far as i'm concerned. what kind of selfish asshole would hurt his whole family for three months. richard franks sr. would. yesterday we kept getting hang ups.i personally answered at least 4. i was suspicious then but when mom, dick, ben and i were sitting in the living room and the phone rang i said i was not going to answer it because i kept getting hang-ups. my mom chimed in that she got two also. i just glared at dick and told him to answer the phone because i knew whoever it was wouldn't hang-up on him. i had that feeling just like i did back during thanksgiving when i confronted him about cards in his room addressed to a lady in georgia. he said he shredded them and was hurt that i would think he would ever cheat on my mom and that 'he would never do anything like that to her.' FUCKING LIAR! lied straight to my fucking face. had 'business trips' to georgia all the fucking time where he would meet his 33-year-old, fitness training homewrecker. at 9 the phone rang and this time the whore talked to my mother. told her to get dick on the phone and that she can listen too. i went back upstairs because i obviously wasn't on the phone and didn't hear any of this. i ran back down 5 minutes later because i could faintly hear my mother's hysterical screams as she found out. i ran down and forced them to let me in the bedroom. mom told me 'your dad's fucking another woman' and i just started punching his arms as hard as i could and he just kept pushing me away glaring at mom for telling me. i just kept shouting at him and told him to stop glaring at mom and how he's a fucking liar and how much i hate him. i've never hated anyone more than i hate him. they went into the bathroom and locked the door and i just bawled and cried on the floor while ben came down to see what was wrong. if i didn't have ben, i don't know where i'd be right now. i ran back to the bathroom and my mom was on the floor trying to take pills and i shoved past dad to get to her but he just threw me down onto the floor and made me hit my head. they both told me to get out of there and to go home with ben. i didn't want to leave my mom because dick is strong and he already had thrown me down so i didn't want her to get hurt. i called 911. apparently after ben and i left the police showed up. that bitch kept calling the whole time this was going on. i heard her fucking voice. she said'cheryl' because she though i was my mother and i just screamed at her and threw the phone at the wall making a hole and break a lampshade. i've never cried so much in my life. i hate him so much. i hate him so much. i hate him so much. he's gone now. in a hotel and that upsets my mom. she wants him here. it seems like she is mad at me because i hate him. she's more or less forgiven him. if i had it my way he'd be history. jobless history. he's in the air force and you get discharged for adultery. ain't that a bitch. but i'm not allowed to say anything. i've never hated anyone more than i hate him. why would he ruin everything. mymom says i should forgive him and how he's just made a mistake and everyone does. well it's not a mistake tripping and falling into that whore's giant twat several times. that's called an affair. i hate you dick. (7 stars | dust?)
Tuesday, January 13th, 2004
9:40 pm	egh, today was blah. school was dull. i finished 'the five people you meet in heaven' too. i came home and passed out. i'm so tired right after school. i haven't gotten back into my routine yet. at about 5 i went to barnes and noble. i spent two hours in that bookstore without finding a single book. how frustrating. then i went to the dollar general to buy jeremy toys for the secret pal gift. that's about all i've done. i could have babysat riley for tabitha again but i told my mom to say no since i thought i'd see ben after he got done with volleyball. it's been about two hours since he finished his game so i'm guessing not, i wish i had babysat now because eventually i am going to have to pick up hours at best buy. so that was my day. dull, no? (3 stars | dust?)
Monday, January 12th, 2004
10:39 pm	i stole this from kellie. the highlighted items are what we have in common. if the statement applies to you, highlight it. if it does not, add something about you. 01. i could eat smart start everyday 02. i love disney songs 03. i wear my emotions on my sleeve 04. i think moulin rouge is of the best movies ever 05. I'm usually a pretty stubborn person 06. i absolutely hate HATE hate cold weather 07. I wish I knew where my life was going. 08. i'm right handed 09. my close friends are the only ones who really know me 10. i cry sometimes for no reason...it makes me feel better 11. i'm the pickiest eater ever 12. i have trust issues 13. i like britney spears 14. i get hurt emotionally very easily 15. once i like a food, i eat it for a month straight then drop it 16. i am very patient 17. I hate it when I get annoyed at my old friends 18. I want to visit overseas 19. I don't like stupid people 20. i'm a very good listener 21. i've never been to a real concert 22. i hold grudges like none other 23. i do really well in school and always have 24. i can't stand boy bands 25. i can't wait to move out 26. i love independence day 27. if i could i would go back in time 28. i get along so much better with boys 29. i am a daddy's girl 30. i love my life right now 31. Sometimes, I just like to be alone 32. i often like my teachers more than my classmates 33. my work is best when i procrastinate 34. i used to be addicted to aim 35. i'm eager to get married and have babies 36. i get frustrated when people do not agree with me 37. i'm so glad i have car 38. i'm the prized child of my parents 39. i never use the snooze button...i don't even know where it is 40. i can't stand teachers who cut in the food line 41. i absolutely love harry potter books 42. I can listen to a CD over and over and over again without tiring of it. 43. i think jack johnson is god's greatest gift to my ears 44. i would love to write songs if i only could 45. my mom still does my laundry 46. i'm always cold 47. My obsessions seem to come and go quite suddenly. 48. i get sick every february 49. i hate being unable to do things i want to do 50. I wish I had more time 51. i can't stand yelling rock music 52. i love all animals 53. i love being outside 54. i love thunderstorms 55. i love my boyfriend more than anything 56. I am my parents' oldest daughter. 57. I wish I had more money so I could go and visit my friends all over the country and world. 58. High School was [is] ... An experience. 59. I like when my friends write me letters, it makes me feel special. 60. i always have solutions for friends in need 61. if i could do things over i would change soem things 62. I wish I was a better singer. 63. i am a pretty careless driver 64. i can't stand it when i lose things 65. i'm known for my smile 66. i make friends wherever i go, i.e. gas stations 67. I like instant results. 68. i hate lines at amusement parks 69. I've made some good friends via the internet 70. I love curling up under a huge warm blanket on cold winter days and watching the disney channel all day. 71. i can't stand kids who get everything from their parents 72. i want to win the lottery 73. Sometimes I find it too hard to care. 74. other people hate the things i find amazing 75. i believe abortion is wrong 76. i go to pet stores to get puppies out and so they can get exercise 77. I love true crime books 78. I'm weird 79. i can't stand my granny 80. I hate people who do things and say things just to be 'in'. 81. i whimper when i want attention 82. i miss playing basketball 83. i was always a nerd in school 84. i share a birthday with someone famous 85. i'm a cancer 86. i enjoy meeting new people 87. i've moved around a lot 88. i've broken my ankle 89. i can't stand drunk people 90. i wish i were admired 91. i like it when people touch me 92. I am a good shopper, I think 93. i'm a very competitive person 94. i love euchre 95. I am quite random at times. 96. i'd much rather be early than late 97. i am a fatalist 98. i love my friends 99. my favorite number is 13 100. i want ben to get on iam so i can talk to him (dust?)
10:03 pm	today was well yeah. i went to school late since i accidentally slept in. we one the jeopardy marathon in kochensparger's class which is always fun. then i had to go to the girlie doctor at 2:30 and they shoved a shot in my arm. then i spent a little bit of time with ben. last night ben and i kind of fought because michael was putting boobie shots as ben's wallpaper on his computer and i went to delete it and i found a different picture titled '32 ways to have sex' with naked people in positions. i screamed at mike and he said he didn't do it. so i'm immediately upset with ben. mike's a dirty pervert so he doesn't understand why i am upset and ben just think's it's bullshit that it bothers me. so i made ben take me home and we said maybe two sentences the whole way and then i was home. i was so frustrated not only because of the picture but because ben told michael i was always mad and that it was bullshit that i was upset. nothing makes me more unhappy then going home miserable. i left a message on aim that read 'if you love me, you'll call me' and he did at about 1am and we made up. still, it was tense today when we talked about it. it bothers me and he doesn't understand that. i've always been this way. i burst into tears when i was 10 and found out my dad went to hooter's. then's there's always the fact that it is ingrained into me to not trust guys so well. thanks dad. anyways..... i was told i had to drive my brother to work today which automatically pissed me off. he got a dui and lost his license. that means he can walk. it doesn't mean i have to chauffeur him around town like i have nothing better to do. drunk people annoy/piss me off. drunk people who drive infuriate me. so why the hell should i have to break up my time with ben to drive him to work. i came home to take him and he's in the shower. he says they called him in later but the ass didn't call me to tell me. i didn't take him and he drove to work. his count is 4 tickets and 4 accidents. what....an....idiot. i've been obsessed with reading lately. i've finished the last harry potter and am anxious for the sixth book. i read 'tuesdays with morrie' and am now on 'the five people you meet in heaven.' good stuff but i need to go book shopping. my brother's ex-girlfriend kellie added me to her friends list :) she was always really nice but i never got to know her much because she seemed kind of shy. i'm always happy for the girls that dump richie because they are better off. richie only deserves a piece of trash girl that washes her hair once a month and chews with her mouth wide open. i imed caitlin tonight. partly out of boredom and partly out of curiosity. i wondered how her and the family were doing. i was thinking about her a bit lately because things kept popping up that we had inside jokes about. she's doing well. the family is well except mommy number 2 has diabetes :( she's not dating anyone now but her and jimmy were talking about moving in together? i don't think they ever even officially dated but ok. i kind of miss her but i have moved on some. i miss dancing in the car with her to some weird ass techno music will lucas gave her and laughing at how big of dorks we were. it was almost like old times talking to her and we will talk again. ben went to volleyball tonight so i have been without my play buddy all night. it's amazing how quiet i am at home. of course i don't have my baby here to swap cheek kisses with. i read about half of 'the five people you meet in heaven' which is very good. mitch albom's books are very easy reading. i don't have much else to say or nothing that i would like to talk about now. (dust?)
Sunday, January 11th, 2004
10:36 pm	who the hell are you to tell me that what i feel is bullshit!? (dust?)
8:29 pm	it's also awkward starting a journal entry after a long gap since the last entry. the holidays have come and gone and still no real snow. this is ohio for christ's sake. if it's gonna be cold there might as well be two feet of snow to play in. christmas was good. my very first to share with someone and i'm glad i shared it with my favorite person. my parents, ben and i went up to newton falls for a few days before the new years. so not too much happened. i'm not at home enough to write regularly but even if i were i probably couldn't because our computer is a piece. dad's looking into getting another one. i'm writing from ben's right now. last night we went out bowling from midnight to 2:30. it was mike, david, whitney, ben, me and seven or so other kids i didn't know from centerville ritters. it was great fun. i was going to call lisa and invite her but i ended up not because it was unsure whether we were going until kinda too late. it was fun so weeee. wow i love silverchair's 'ana's song' not much else is happening. i'm not getting any hours except for saturdays at best buy which is fine with me because i am getting sick of that place. i can't wait for ritter's to open where i actually enjoy being most of the time. i'd probably end up staying with best buy to and becoming full time there in the summer working 6am til 2ams and then nights at ritter's fatty cash is nice. i cannot wait to graduate. well i can't too. this year at school isn't particularly great but i have a lot of great memories there. i'm torn between taking an extra class or two this semester but i probably won't since i like getting out so early. still, i'm kicking myself for having never taken human relations, psychology, creative writing, painting, and volleyball/basketball. who knows, i may end up doing that but school is just that fun. peer listening isn't quite as bad as i used to think it was. still, it's no last year. i actually enjoy my classes this year but i hate half the students in them. english has been pretty easy this year. i think the only thing is you have to apply yourself. half the class doesn't and that's probably why i have the top grade. english was always my tough subject. school's so easy this year. i love having mr. kochensparger. nothing makes my school day better than history class. i've been thinking a lot lately about what i will do in life. i'd almost really like to be a professor. of what i don't quite know. maybe history but being a teacher has always appealed to me. i still really like criminal justice but i don't know exactly how well i would do with that. i'd like to make a decent amount of money but love my job and be continually amazed with it. i miss writing. Current Mood: rejuvenated (11 stars | dust?)
Thursday, December 4th, 2003
10:50 pm	that's me pretty closely You're an ISFJ ISFJ Ok. You are sympathetic, loyal, considerate, and conscientious. You will go to any amount of trouble, when it makes sense to you, to help those in need. You are responsible and enjoy being needed. You are down-to-earth and realistic and like others who are quiet and unassuming. You absorb and enjoy using a large number of facts. You like situations where the rules are well defined and where traditions are to be upheld. You focus on providing practical help and services for others and for the organizations you serve. You have a strong work ethic. You can be painstakingly accurate and systematic in handling tasks...you're conservative with traditional values...quiet and modest...tactful and supportive of friends and family... You are often self-effacing in getting the job done, and are willing to make necessary sacrifices, especially for your family. You are at your best quietly providing assistance and making sure things are in order. You have a few close friends, don't like disharmony, and try to keep cooperation at all costs...you'll stay close friends with that tight circle for a LONG time...worry a lot... You need to have things organized in a way you think works.. you cannot work when things are out of order...when things are in disarray, you have to reorganize 'em immediately....you get involved with leisure ONLY after all the work is done... You have a tendency to put off relaxing because there's too much work to be done...you enjoy time with your family...you fall in love hard when you fall. You place a high value on marriage and family...you seek out a partner and feel unfulfilled without one. you most likely are a good student because you diligently follow through in your work to please your teachers.....you learn best by DOING... You tend not to be the center of attention...often appear serious...others like trying to get a laugh or a smile out of you...you get angry or bitter when scorned...but you keep it inside... Possible blindspots: because you are SOOOO in the present, you have a hard time seeing possibilities or consequences of your actions...can become mired in the daily grind...don't forget to express your bottled-up feelings...you can be taken advantage of....could be pessimistic about the future because it's unknown and you rely on past experiences.....you want to plan too much. ISFJ: "I Serve Family Joyfully" (dust?)
10:16 pm	my back huuuuuurts. i always end up bending down at best buy for my whole shift. work seemed really long tonight but i was only there for 4.5 hours. i just didn't want to be there. i got to see ben at the kettering ritters today since he is taking some of allison's shift's since jason's mom died. yeeeeeeah that visit was great. i wanna make more of those visits. i pretty much studied the whole time since i have a test tomorrow in welgey's over twelve different epic stories. i'm not doing so well in that class this quarter. i have maybe a high C but that should change after this test. i plan on getting and A on the test and an A on an upcoming paper. i got into general english so i WOULDN'T HAVE TO TRY to get an A. dang mr. wegley and him making us succeed. gotta run, expecting the benji. (dust?)
Saturday, November 29th, 2003
2:05 am	Every year I’d never had someone to share the holidays with until this one. Yesterday Ben and I went to the Minch thanksgiving where I got to meet most of the family. It was pretty nice since I already knew quite a few but now I have a few more faces logged in to memory. I didn’t eat much since I never really was a fan of thanksgiving food but ben and luke were very supportive of that. When I say very supportive I mean they made fun of me for only eating mashed potatoes and rolls. We had to leave pretty soon though because my family’s dinner was starting. I ate some more mashed potatoes and ate a fine thanksgiving feast of shrimp. Aww it was good. I started to pass out on the couch so ben went to his dad’s and stepmom’s dinner alone so I could nap. Then we went to his grandmother’s house where I got to see his mom for the first time in over a month. I really love Ben’s little cousins. Cece was such a nice girl. I don’ think max was too keen on me at first but when we were leaving Emily said he kept saying ‘bye bye Brittneeeeeey.’ Cuteness. Ben, I love you. I love him ten times more than he loves me (no matter what he says). Whatever he is doing, I always end up just staring at him. Marveling At the fact that I’m his girlfriend and I how I want to be with him forever. I’d think that most guys would get annoyed with the amount of kissing I require but Ben just kisses right back J Yesterday when we were making our rounds to all the dinners we couldn’t exactly kiss as often as we usually do so as soon as we got to his apartment he got attacked with kisses. As soon as I got off work tonight I went over to his place and we hung out for a long while. I should have been home by 12 but I couldn’t leave my baby so I ended up getting there half past. I’m really pathetic about him; I can’t stand not seeing him for a day. I’m jus really super in love. I worked at best buy today. That dreaded day after when it’s supposed to be all out war on the sales floor. It’s wasn’t bad for me though. My higher-ups like me so I got to be a stocker. That pretty much meant if I wanted to do jack shit and sit in the warehouse I could. I felt like working though so I restocked all the game areas. Then we got a shipment in. apparently that’s blasphemy on black Friday but I was happy because then I could sort dvds which is my favorite part of my job. Melissa and I sorted them together. She’s new and the youngest worker in the store at 16 but I really like her. She’s very nice and we talk a lot. We’re both kind of creeped out by Stephen the guy who is in love with all the girls. I’m trying to teach her that Lydia equals evil. She’s catching on quick. This one co-worker was telling me about some friend of his ho came in and was talking to me? He said that I talked to him for a while and he’d asked if I’d had a boyfriend and I’d said yes and how his friend had to talk him up for thirty minutes to finally talk to me. I have zero recollection of this but my co-worker said they called me by name. But I dun know. Eh I have to work 4 am to 10 am. Which means I have to be at work in exactly two hours and I am just now starting to wish I’d slept. Arg, til next time. Hi Ben honey thank you for posting this for me. I love yooooouuuuu. (dust?)
Wednesday, October 1st, 2003
11:01 pm	james asked me to fear fest today for saturday 3 to midnight but i had to decline due to ritter's work 7 to close. i really would love to go though. james likes me so it wouldn't be the best signal to send to him but it sounds fun and james is someone i'd like to know more. him and max are talking to me more. yay new friends. yesterday we had voting for class officers in marketing class. you could run multiple times and it went from highest position to lowest. you had to go in the hall for confidentiality of voting. i went for president and i was really wanting it. i'm your perfect marketing class student. i have a 99%, hold two jobs and am an active member in the class. i think mrs. mccarty really wanted me to win it. well cesar got 6 votes and i got 5 votes. we were the top two of the four that ran. i was crushed. cesar doesn't even have a job. welcher told me to run for vp since it was so close so i did and stephanie block won overwhelmingly apparently. what the hell. if i could have just gone invincible and bawled my little eyes out i would have. i ended up winning class photographer which is just a piddley sub-role of historian. i deserved president. :( i'm starting to not look forward to the peer listening camping trip. yay cliques! this day started off good. i had third lunch today so i snuck tharu out and we ate at subway then i took her back to school. i went to ritter's to check what time i was to be in but they said i didn't need to be. i was called off due to no business at all. made me happy. i picked up my posters from disc go round and scheduled my hair appointment for homecoming. saw ben for a while and went with him and luke to sign the papers for their apartment. broke off from them to deliver some food to a few friends at best buy*. then i went back to ritter's and brought bagels for david and kyle. david and i stayed in the back icing cakes and talking about homecoming and other things. we might go to champs or bravo's for dinner and it'll probably be just us since most everyone i want to go with is going with random groups. oh well, i love hanging out with david so we'll have a blast. we'll hit up ritter's maybe. then i went back to ben's and we hung out a smidge then went to marion's. somehow we talked about homecoming which automatically makes me upset. why can't he sacrifice one night for me. he hates dances more than he loves me. if it were to be fair he should go to half the dances but noooo. i only have a maybe on prom and that maybe is only in effect if i don't talk about prom with him until march. it's dinner, dance, and then fun afterwards. why is that so god damn bad? all he'd need is a suit. i'd handle everything else like i am with david since i am the high schooler. and god i love david for being so nice to me and going to homecoming. he's just a friend and he's going with me. he has no obligation to it what so ever yet he took the 'burden' of going. i'm missing my boyfriend at dances and i have yet to go to any high school games. i've had the chance quite a few times but ben doesn't want to go. my last year of what i love, high school. so we pull in to his driveway and our song 'beast of burden' comes on and i told him i was sorry for putting him in a bad mood and he was just like 'i know you're not sorry.' excuse me what? i just wanted to cry. i was so close to just grabbing my keys from him and leaving, he had them since he drove my car. i went inside his house anyway and just didn't say anything and curled up on his bed. he came and laid down with me. twenty minutes later i say i have to leave because my mom wanted me home since my dad is gone. i wasn't comfortable there anyway so i really did want away from him. all he said was okay. might as well have said please leave. i just kissed him and left. Current Mood: emotional (1 star | dust?)
Sunday, September 21st, 2003
10:57 pm	if you read my journal, you haven't missed much. i've been working almost every spare moment from school. if i'm not at school or work i am somewhere with ben :) working all the time isn't so bad. if i work during the day and not the night i end up getting restless and want to be working. i don't see ben enough but even so, he works just as much so if i worked less our 'us' time would be the same. plus i really like money. i asked david to homecoming with me a handle full of days ago while i was at work. i called him when ben went out to change the trash and he said yes :) david is my homecoming date!!! Geeeeeeeee! it will be so much fun. i already got the dress. it's champagne colored and gorgeous. you know i'll get pictures :D gosh i am so happy. i really didn't want to go alone. i know i'll have fun with david. best buy hasn't been so bad. one thing i've noticed is that people get fired. if people get fired at ritter's it's talked about for a week but at best buy it's no big deal. i really like most the people i work with. including people from other departments and my managers. i am pretty good friends with all of home audio :) if i ever switch departments i'd like to go there. media is pretty cool though. i love ben. so much. no really, i love ben. i got to spend the night with him on friday. i told my mom i was spending the night with jill and thau at marissa's. i was planning on staying up late and just having good old ben-brit time. yeeeeah. i fell asleep at like 12:30. haha i was tired. my poor baby. i stole blankets from him all night. my grandparent's are here. ugh. my granny was supposed to buy my homecoming dress but no she is a stupid bitch. she gave richie 400 dollars for a tux, dinner and prom tickets his senior year. i paid for everything last prom. i really don't like granny. i have my girlie doctor appt. tomorrow. arg. i don't want anything in my but ben. those damn plastic objects! yay birth control. Current Mood: complacent (13 stars | dust?)
Sunday, September 14th, 2003
1:02 am	bitch fest? or venting? i had another bad week. i just work so much, which is all good, but i don't have fun. work can be fun you know. mopey ass people make everyone mopey. just been working with grumps. i don't feel too appreciated at best buy. almost walked upon. every single night i worked there i ended up closing down cds and half of dvds and vaccuming the floor, alone. yet lydia, mullet, and/or kyle can just stand there talking. i've always been easily taken advantage of. i've been consuming homework like it's nothing. it gets done the day it's assigned even if it isn't due for days. school work just makes me happy and i find time after all my work work to do it. i bought a bike this morning. i like biking and i wanted my own instead of using my mom's all the time. it's nice. i went on a bike ride with my dad after i got it. i'll make that a regular thing. we talked a lot today. my dad and i that is. talked about what i'll do after high school and all that grand stuff. i'll do two years here, see where i am at in life and decide whether or not i will transfer south. summer days have gone too soon. you shoot the moon and miss completely and now you're forced to face the gloom. funny thing happened, or not if you ask me, at work tonight. michael came to ritter's and was talking to ben and said how he just dropped off david and blah blah blah. then the back door flies open (i'm standing 15 feet from it in direct sight) and in comes some man with a paintball like hat with full camo and a hand gun that makes noise and looks like it shoots. hah hah hah thanks david for scaring me senseless. i don't even remember half the incident because i was so frazzled. apparently i screamed and yelled 'oh shit, oh my god' and bounced around all weird like. it's not common for people(at least at ritter's) to barge in a non-public building with full commando gear and shooting a gun(metal cap gun). hahaha jerks i love em. michael was mad he decided not to bring the camcorder because 'i looked like i thought i was going to die.' ben was just a complete ..meh.. tonight. oh wait that's 95% of the time he is at work. makes me miss jason oodles more. at least it was light-hearted with jason around. you were'nt afraid to laugh or talk. if you do when ben is there, someone gets sent home. last night gina and ashley hopkins yelled at ben for not taking me to my school dances. he got pissed. having a boyfriend is like a guarenteed dance date. guess not. i hate to sound, i don't know what word i am looking for, but i don't like the way i think people look at me because of ben. not so many like working with him and everyone always asks 'why didn't ben go to prom with you or why isn't he taking you to homecoming? blah blah.' i feel like all the girls pity me because he won't go to dances with me or don't understand why he's always 'in a bad mood' at work. it does make me feel kind of bad that he won't go to dances. isn't a relationship compromising? should he not endure that for me. it's my senior year. if he doesn't go to my prom i'll most likely have a nice-sized chip on my shoulder. and so will every girl i work with. i also know he hates them and that's been drilled into me since i've known him. i asked gary to homecoming. he hates dances too which sucks because i know i'd have fun with him. i don't know if i'll go. i'll just go through high school having not gone to a homecoming. i know i'll regret things about high school in the future. not going to all my dances of my underclassman years, not going to over 6 games of all sports total. i already think it's stupid of me for missing them my previous years yet i still am not doing these things this year. gary if you're reading don't feel bad for saying no. i know you do anyways but you'll always be my after dance buddy. i gotta play with someone on the blow-up obstacle course though. i'm upset at ben tonight. i'll always be in such a great mood, go to work, and then get in a bad mood. i'd asked him earlier if he'd come to my house after work and he said maybe. then he got in aprogressively worse mood and i asked hima few times why he is in a bad mood and he'd say 'because of everything.' yeah ok. then we closed and he went in to the office. i asked him if we could listen to green day and he said he switched cds. what did we listen to? eminem. i am known to dislike his lyrics so that just pissed me off that he was insensitive enough to be a jerk most of the night and then put me through that hateful crap. (dust?)